I blew my chance away yesterday. Its disheartening but I am not going to give up, but instead I am going to declare war because I'm going to FIGHT. I am not going let it blow it again.

65% it was my own fault too. I supposed I am just not talented for it, but again well, for the team I am willing because indeed she did do a better job than me and this time I really want to win, and I must win. But again, partly I must say it was them also because this is a team game, a game where everybody trains together and not alone or 2 person. But well, again afterall is myself.

But well, like I said, get upset for a day, and get over it by today. Actually yesterday after some thoughts, I have already got over it. I blew it yesterday, and I am not going to allow him to do it again from now onwards. I want to play, win, fight the game with my own hands. I will show it to him that I want it badly.

Like Ben said that time, as an individual goal, I will do my very best. And to be specific enough, I will do all I can to stick, intercept opponents. Support & pass well to my teamates.

I want to win this desperately! I want to play this desperately!

Enough of netball. Actually other than netball, there are also quite a few things that make me quite siansed and upset.

But well, I now abit sians to blog on. So I shall stop here.

Dont know what got into us.

"She: I'm hungry
Me: Lets go mac
She: At this hour? 4am lah, breakfast nicer
Me: As if you will wake up
She: 6am lah? Then I eat liao 7 go school
Me: -.-
She: Eat liao then you go run
Me: Thats what I think also, but eat liao cannot run
She: We eat till 7.15 like that, then digest liao ma
Me: Ok lorhs "

The crazee us! Hahaha!!! =X And we dragged ah shit to join us too.. lolx...

I hope I can wake up tomorrow... and do my run.. thats the most important!!! Had a damn good rest already, and so its time to exercise again tomorrow till Saturday again since Tues, Wed, Thu, Fri & Sat got Netball & Badminton trainings... so 6 days trainings/games and 1 day rest... hopefully next Sunday is swimming.. which today woke up too late to go..

Must follow my plannn!!!! Grrrr!!!!

Need stamina & speed back in 22 days time. Thats is what I need to do. But what he said is true also, sometimes mind matters.. well.. thinking back I thought I couldnt run to East Coast, but I did it too, so it is all in my mind too. But well, been resting for the past 3 weeks, and so its time to get back some workouts too, so physically ready then plus my mind it will do wonders.. haha..

Well, since I already plan out my schedule then I better follow it..

Well, both sad and happy moments... but well, at the end of it, I CHOOSE to be HAPPY! =))) Live only once, so live happily then!!! =)))

Nevertheless, I will still type down my sadness..

1st of all, is my ankle.. although I manage to force myself to another stage, which is the running stage, but now is becoming the jumping stage! The leaping stage! I always thought that jumping wont be a problem, but I am wrong, because when I try to jump is always 2 legs, and now when on court, the monster took over my mind. And actually, right now when I run and when I was training, I could feel the pain on my ankle, but following panda's word, I just press on.. and I guess the pain subside after awhile, so I just carry on, but well, I am really sians about not able to jump... I am left with 27 days to go to train with the team and not individually already...

2nd sad thing that happen to me is that, my overall GPA drop already... even though I got a good grade for my FYP.. but well.. no one to blame, but myself, because of my marketing... missing too much lesson, and therefore the overall grade for marketing wasnt that good and so i got just a c+ for it...

Well despite the above sad things... I have 2 happy thing!!! =))))

I can run... I can run.. though I still cannot really sprint and stuffs... and there is still pain.. but I really force myself to run and not stop due to pain... and I kept forcing not to think of the pain and kept telling myself everything is ok... though didnt really play on court, but at least still alright... and its like... I still go on till the end already...

2ndly.. its my FYP... yippee.. its a B+... because I didnt really expect that... and well.. i did it!! =))) SO wanting to kiss and hug nana now!!! hahaha =x

Alright... right now.. I will just go back and consult father teo tomorrow on seeing what are the things i should do to strengthen that ankle, and to hop like what he said... and maybe tomorrow I will try to do some leaping already.. and after that will go and run!!!! need stamina liao lah... cannot anyhow liao lah... I need to faster get rid of that monster, and get back my confidence for my ankle before I strain too much on my left leg where my kneee seems to pain more frequent than ever already.. and will go back to laodie there on friday...

And, not going to set any goal or say anything here about my next sem.. because everytime I do that,.. I dont get good grades... so this time.. I am not going to do that.. and I will just do what I have to do...

Labels: Netball, RP

IT TAKES COURAGE TO ACKNOWLEGE FEAR, STARED IT AND STILL DO IT! NEVER LET FEAR PARALYSE YOU!

Oh well, seriously I know inside me, there is this monster that keep telling me you cant run, you cant jump, you cant play. This little monster name, "FEAR."

The thoughts of the monster, and to fight with it, sometimes really make me feel like crying, because its really tough to fight with him. But I know, this time round, I must fight with it. I mustnt let him destory my dreams, my hope. I must destory him before he paralyse me! DO IT TOMORROW!

If I never try to change this pattern, fight this monster, eventually, I will be paralyse by it, and no longer I will play for the game that I desire the most. The game that I wanted it so badly. The game that will be your last time representing a school.

I know that I MUST conquer this! I know I HAVE to fight this. I know that I CAN do it. I know that I WILL be able to defeat it.

Oh! Give me the power! Give me the strength!

DO IT and achieve what you want to achieve!!!

Change is always challenged!

No more time to waste. You must get back to court asap. You need training! YOU NEED IT!

Labels: Netball

Come on, you force yourself to walk normally last week. You did it within a few days. Now its time to force yourself to run & jump!

Dont think about it again! Just do it! You wont feel pain anymore! You wont! Your ankle is strong & stable. It has already recover good and well enough for you to run & jump!!!

Trust your ankle, trust your ankle!

No more time to waste anymore! This is the 4th week you have not done any running if you dont start!

You need to start now!! What you think will come true, so think positive!! Think positive!!!

Remember what mr teo said before, dont let your fear paralyse you!!!

Exact 30 days to train and be strong and to win the game that you are most desperate of!!!

I, Yun Ru, want to win this more than ANYONE else!!! I can do it!!

Oh mans... I dont know why am I here actually... Initially I have already lie down on my bed, but I kept tossing and turning and then finally I decided to wake up and blog..

Theres really alot of thing in my mind actually, and I really hope to pen it down, but again, everytime I tried to do that, I will feel tired after that.. sighs.. but anyway, I shall try to do it then..

Ok, these days, I learn a few lesson.. when you want something, you have to pay a price for it.. and also.. in life, sometimes there will be bound to be sacrification if somethings needs to be done or stuffs like that..

Anyway, I also learn that, "to achieve something you want, you need to be selfish" this is really so true... actually it happen almost in everyday life... when someone want to achieve something, he wil be selfish... he will not let anything to obstruct or hinder the thing he wants to achieve...

I did something foolish yesterday actually.. I cried really bad when I was sleeping yesterday.. the thoughts of waiting and waiting and not training really sucks... yes.. I have been doing passing and crunches and stuffs, but running and jumping is what I want... and therefore I cried badly yesterday..

But well, today lucky I got to get the slot.. and good enough that he said 1 week of rest... alright.. I shall be good and rest for a week... but I learn something bad but this is something that I want to ignore... and that is my left knee.. and I am true that my knee is giving me some problem.. and indeed, there is a problem, and he said was something like overuse or something.. anyway he mentioned that its a 40years old knee.. -.- boohoo.. damn... but well, I am going to ignore this.. because till now it has not really give me a problem during training... but maybe it did, but the pain just goes away afer a while...

I have never felt so desperate before, or rather maybe being so desperate had been long time ago.. and so is like the feeling is gone.. but anyway, I really just want to train so quick and to play... I really want to.. maybe because I know that this is the time that I can again go in as the 1st 7 again... never I had that chance when I was in ES.. because its like sec3 I was injured.. and sec 4.. people is better that me.. Oh well, although I know that this is because she is away thats why, but then again to think again, to be so 'lucky' to be able to get this kind of chance is very slim.. and so since I got that 1% of that chance.. I need to do it well, to tell him and everybody that I can do it too.. I am one of the better player in RP too... I can help the team to achieve what everybody wants too.. this might be fated really.. this is my last chance to represent RP and to play for them.. and so I want to do it well.. I always want to prove to people, I, Yun Ru can be a good player too.. I WANT I WANT I WANT!

OH ya, today I was reading a book, and was like reading on something about mental and subciousness.. and I think I must get the monster out of my head, which is "in every major competition, I will get injured, and be benched" this is what the monster have been telling me... this is the pattern.. which I can get rid... after this ankle recovery, I am not going to let the monster to win anymore!!! Its just subciously that I thought of that.. NO WAY! NO MORE!

ANyway, I think RP is cursed... there are so many injuries in the team.. till now, there are 5 injuries already... 5 out of 22 people... its 22.7%... oh mans.. out of a sudden there are 22.7% of injjuries.... hopefully there is no more injuries anymore... but sighs.. 15th is the submission of the name list... I wonder we 5 will get in or not.. haha.. well.. pray is the only way only!!! Everybody please recover by then.. and get your butt on the court... if possible..

Oh ya, to update abit.. haha.. I finished my PP.. yippeee ya ya... =))) well now is only the presentation and then followed by going to the talk on the 11th of Sept to get that pathetic 1 point.. and I can declare finished!!! And I can say that at least I am quite disciplined.. because though didnt really finish by the 2nd time that I say, but at least I really do it by the 3rd time I told myself I have to... Hahha.. crap.. just trying to say yourself good.. which is not.. but anyway... if I really finish my PP & CE by then... hopefully by October.. everything updated.. and then I only have just my POL-ITE & FYP 2 to concentrate... and its really full concentration for it... no more having worries for PP & CE.. =))) And only left with 5 modules which include FYP2... hahaha.. soo happy.. cant wait cant wait... =)))

ANyway, I felt really bad towards NANA.. sighs.. =(( I guess I am slightly irresponsible here.. because is like initially team with them.. and then I back out... sighs.. but I really cant see jon getting to deep shit.. esepcially when 12th is the submission.. and so is like with only 6 days to find people.. he really have a hard time.. so I am really sorry to NANA>.. because afterall we have been doing together.. haish.. sighs!!! =(((

It will be a pretty long entry. Its been awhile since I blog. Actually right now, I feel like crying. A few things just happened recently.

Just a week before I was in really foul mood, no where I feel like going and somehow actually I was just slacking at home other than that I went to school for training which I only do passes. I couldnt believe that I didnt even go back ES during teachers' day.

Those days had become memory already, things change, people change, feeling changes too. Its not because I dont want to go abck, but I am starting to feel awkward. I dont know why. Its really like what he said that time, cherish what you have that time, you never know what will happen in future.

Actually, I started thinking alot of things during this period of time, sometimes, how people behave towards you, is how you react to people also. And I started to realise that, nobody likes to listen to what is happening to you, and all your sorrows, people only want to share glory, happpines with you, and if you keep being so emotional and stuffs like that, in fture, you will realise they tend to shoo away from you.

My social circle is really small. They are just the only ones that are the closest to my heart. I cant bear to lose them at all. I really cannot lose them at all. I really hope things will not turn ugly. I cant and I cant.

You seen for yourself, the different people's situation, and to make sure you dont end up like them, you better STOP it. You need them, then you better do somehting.

But on the other hand, you must not be over dependent on them. You have to be independent. You need to be! LEARN IT!

Other than this, is my injury. I tried today, and it seems bad. Feeling pain just on my 1st step of running. Actually when I tried to run without shoe, I already feel soemthing, and when I tried to put on guard & tape it doesnt help. But actually as I run more, the pain is gone, but I dont really want to make it worse, and so I decided to stop. When can I start to run? I really need the stamina and the play. Please, please, please! I need it! Please recover after the 15th when I go see laodie this time. It was used to be Nisa, but I thnk to be safe & stuffs, I better wait and go find him, furthermore I think this week she wont be around also, so if I am waiting for next week, maybe getting him would be better, at least maybe my heart will feel more safe. Sigghhss.. please recover by 20th! I want to play on the 20th!

Well, next is about him. Oh well, dont know why am I affected by his words actually. Well, partly was my fault, but again, I mention it to her way before he said not to say anything. But I really meant nothing. Oh well, forget it. Its his choice to do anything he wants. But fine, I will still keep my words on the 1st week of school other than that, forget it. If you dont believe that usually talk to him about anything, and you think because I talk to him because of what you said, fine. Its your decision, I cant change it anyway.

Oh well, maybe being alone is the best. Being alone is still the better choice. No worries about anything. Ahhh.. damn it...

Anyway, using my old phone now, gives me some flash back, espeically after panda mention the name. Reading through all the messages and I realise, people change very fast too.. and I guess I had just tried to cast the memories behind and small thing can easily trigger it back.. because is the same for J, even though how much I can say i'm angry, but deep inside, I still know that, it once happen before and had become a memory and still.. its just a moment of anger...

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

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