Saturday, December 31, 2005
I said I want to buy a pair of new shoe.. well I bought it... I didnt expect myself buying so fast.. but I had no choice.. because my old shoe really spoiled... and well.. I am glad that I bought the shoe from Mr Teo this year... as that is my only pair of shoe.. and it had been with me for a while.. and its a All Terrain shoe.. and so it still manage to tahan the runs in OBS as the terrain sucks to the core!!! The picture is my new shoe.. the shoe Cyn wnats to see as she heard the word PINK... well is not totally PINK... just a little PINK and she just dont believe...
sign off@3:49 AM;
Its coming to an end...
2005 is going to be a past... and 2006 will be the future.. so whats going to happen in 2006? I dont know... and I just wish that it wont really be like 2005 where I have to undergo so many mental torture and to be in tears so many times...
Though 2005 was a hard time for me, but I think I still miss some of the times... first of all I wont forget about Mr Teo words on the 31st Dec 2004 to 1st Jan 2005... "Keep smiling from 11.50 to 12.10.. why? so that you can tell people you had been smiling for 2 years.." Hopefully he is still like this...
Anyway, why I dislike 2006 coming.. because its going to mean that by April, I will become a Year 3 student in RP... meaning having FYP and other stuffs... not to mention I had yet to complete my PP... I am leaving with only 3 months to complete it...
Well... there are really lots of ups and downs for me in 2005... spending lots of time with the ES people for the 1st 6months.. and phew.. its gone for the next 6 months... coaching for a while at the start and phew.. its gone... being a member.. and phew.. become President... being quite close to U, and just a blink... everything are just so unpredictable... well.. life are always unpredictable.. you might not know whats going to happen tomorrow.. dont you? I might just die off tomorrow? Or maybe I might just become a millionaire... everything is just unpredictable and you just could not expect anything...
Anyway, during the chalet at a moment of aloneness.. I really think back of what had happened last year... and I realised that its really true.. everything just happen once... if you dont cherish that moment and dont enjoy that moment.. then too back.. everything will just be gone... Happinesss just happen ONCE for the same thing... Last year, there was a chalet... everyone was sooo happy... everyone just enjoyed ourselves sooo much! Nobody was being neglected, nobody wants to go home.... everyone just enjoyed themselves to the fullest.... and even Mr Teo himself enjoyed.. and even sms everyone of us... do you guys still remember the fun we had? And like what Mr Teo said before... cherish those moments... and well.. I am glad that I went and enjoyed myself and have those memories strong inside my head... =)
Also, well.. I must thank him for letting me try to coach for awhile.. though without a word everything was gone... maybe was myself... but well enjoy those times when I coach and now hoping they can move up during zonal... wishing them the best.. =)
And not forgetting... that time during one carnival.. he asked Jane to dedicate a song to me.. and Jane's word was thanks for coming down and support all these while... well.. its heart-warming.. as though everytime when I am down.. I didnt expect anything back.. but well.. knowing this.. I feel real happy about it... and its will just stuck inside... =)
CNY... having all coming to my house.. and having all the laughters was really a great time... can we another one next year? I dont mind coming to my house again... shall we? =)
Haha... not forgetting ponning school many times and rushing down to Dunman to catch their zonals... =) wonder next year I can do the same.. I doubt so as I had used most of my leave already.. and I need to go for the stupid surgery for my stupid WISDOM tooth...
Being so busy in RP just to forget some of the things in ES and to leave everything behind... but knowing it is just temporary... but well.. was great to feel the busy-ness... but was really hard and torturing.. and somemore sometimes it was human management... but well its a good time...
I guess I wont really remember alot ... but I believe in me blogging it in the past.. so well =) Anyway later in the night going to go out with the same group of people, YY, Ron, and YQ to ECP beach... going to ton our night there.. well enjoy some star and the sea breeze... I really hope I can be your star... but I guess its really hard... guess you need time... but I will hang on....
Oh yes, anyway... at the chalet.. it was directly the campsite that I went through for OBS... and I was so glad to be there.... seeing over that just reminds me alot... walking pass... just makes me think and recall the thinggss.. especially the flooding of tents and the collapsing of tents.. well only 2 tents survived.. and 1 tent was mine... remember myself promising to enjoy at the chalet when I was outside campibg... haha... memories...
sign off@3:25 AM;
Monday, December 26, 2005
23rd Dec
Time at chalet... was boring... I dont really know them well.. only her TLTBOWL... and well.. I feel rather awkward... because for the past 8years... I think in their eyes I am just a immature sister of her... and I think I had give me bad impression so now I dont really dare to speak up or something...
Anyway, sis was pretty =) she really make herself look nice... and well.. after jiujiu do up her hair.. I went down.. then later chatted with my cousins.. sit around.. and eat... boreddd... and play with my nephew... haha.. my nephew regconise me.. and also.. when he is with unfamiliar hands.. he allows me to carry himm... =) soooo glad... heesh... =x
Finally we got another family photo.. will upload once I got it... its been so nice since we had a photo of 4 of us... maybe many just dont know what I meant... my dad and my mum havent been talking fo long... maybe for 10 odd years? we havent been going out as 4? Was really glad to see daddy when he was there.. it shows that at least he cares and bothers to come... but when I see him alone.. I was like i feel like going over to talk to him.. but I dont know how to.. I just feel the weirdness in me... but daddy just come without a word.. and leave without a word.. i really dont know what to do.. i yearn to have a family.. a close family... (when i hear johnson about him and his family.. soemtimes i really envy... they are so good... )
Well.. shant let tears rolling... talk about happy times... hmm... yea... I am so glad that I bought the jacket for my sister... when I bought the jacket.. I was like soo happy can! It was like that present was mine.. but its not.. because the color dont suits me... =x bleahs... and also.. hmms... the time at chalet was really kinda bored... just eating and watchin tv.. and then chatting with my cousins... and just like that...
ANyway before the chalet.. I was like telling my sis.. hey why make until so grand sia.. all she says is "3years later.. nothing for u ah" =( bleahsss... =p haha.. but I guess she spend her money happily... can see her really enjoy herself man... and though having so many category of friends.. she manages well... and I suposed its because of her really good friends.. TLTBOWL...
Oh yes.. when I see the video she made herself.. when I saw TLTBOWL.. they had been together for 8years.. I was like -shocked... so lonG! then it really set me thinking... I really yearn for a group of friends like sis... do I have? I dont... I think its all retribution.... young when I was sooo immature... childish... so idiotic.. so irritaitng.. and stuffs... thats is why I dont have a group of friends like her... well.. retribution.. the only person I can blame.. is just myself... well.. reason why I will really think of that was because of my mind was filled with THEM.. and I just hope if things can really get better and if we can really get back together... that will be wonderful... I really hope things can.. =) and all I can say is.. I am sorry... to all of you.. all of you have actually become part of me.. and you are important to me... but i guess... its just retribution... that each of you can be close.. but not me... its just myself to be blamed... but i still glad that i know you guys.. and though not close friends.. but we are still friends... another thing that sets me thinking is yy, ron, jon and yq... they are a group of friends who I know in RP...
YY, YQ, Jon and Ron are my year 2 sem1 friends... before we were friends... I was quiet in class... like antisocial as usual... but when we really know each other.. get together.. spend time toegteher... and now even setting up 3D animax together with kenneth... they are a group of friends in rp who i really spend lots of time toegtehr with... even till now.. term 1 is over... not in the same class as them.. but we are still as close.. and i think its even closer... at teh start of term 1.. it wasnt really close. but they still call me out and ask go out for lunch together.. and slowly.. we get back =) I am glad to have them.. and.. i dont wish the same thing to happen when i was in es... i regretted alot.. i want to have friends.. i cant be alone.. i cant stand lonelinesss....!!!
Back to chalet.. nothing else.. I slept at 4am.. and woke up at about 9am.. to pack up and go home rest and get ready for the outing with yy they all..
24th Dec
NOthing special in the noon.. cause I spend my time sleeping.. was tired after sis chalet.. woke up at around 5++ then got up to eat a little and then get ready to go meet yy at simei... was late as usual.. =X sorry... then later we meet yq... was late by 5mins... and then we went to shop... because supposinly to get a present to exchange.. but didnt get it... then met ron and jon... and then we went to eat Mos burger.. and had lots of photos taken... =)
Catch the show: Chronicles of Narnia... was a very nice show.. anwyay spend $19 on 2 movies during this month with yy and ron!!! gosh.... after the show finally decided to slack around.. then finally decide on going my house to slack.. heesh =) but sad enough... somethings happen.. hopefully the friendship will be still attached... finally at 6am I can get to sleep ebcause they can catch their 1st bus... heesh.. =x
25th Dec
Oh well... woke up at 6pm... I woke up at certain point of time actually... but didnt really wnat to wake up lah.. was kinda of lazy... hesh... =X... then woke up did nothing much... and knowing sis want to eat Fish & Co... so want to go la.. but then she went with wq... so dint want... then later nothing much just chat around and eat...
IVP fixtures is out already.. gosh... I need to train up already... and I need to get my pair of shoe already also... my shoe is really not suitable to play at all.. and I need to train to play... I really want to play... and I want the school to get top 4!!! I yearn for it... !!!
Anyway I realised I yearn for alot of things these few days... maybe I shall just summarise it... :
1. I yearn for love, care and concern.. in simple terms.. a bf.. wahaha =X but guess will just let time to decide for me because... I want someone to love me... and anyway.. I have lots of things on hand now la.(SC, 3D animax, school work, netball, livewire, ...) maybe not time yet? But in times of trouble I really hope to have someone.. and those people I used to mention.. are people that I cant have at all actually and they are not the people for me... they are just people who can show concern and care... but not love... =X
2. I yearn for a family.. well.. all I want just family love... but I think I understand they dont know how to express it out... my dad only can use money to express his love to us... my mum only know how to express by showing dont know.. haha =X in simple words.. I know the love.. just not express properly...
3. I yearn for a group of close friends.... there are people who are truly important to me after 6years... but.. haish...
4. I yearn for a win in IVP!!! I really hope to win!!! I just want to win so badly!!!
Anyway December holiday is ending soon... which means 2005 is going to be gone soon... it will end with mr leong's chalet... I really hope it will be a great one... i wish I wont be awkward at all... i really hope everything that had happened before december will be gone too... I want this year to end happily... I hope the chalet will be fun =) Just like before....
*I told U about what I think... dont know how U think... maybe just need some time... (hope U know who U are...)
I want to be ready to fight for 2006! Starting with IVP and follow by SC matters(Glitz and sports meet) and most of all... my project - PP and FYP...
sign off@2:48 AM;
Friday, December 23, 2005
ALrights.. exactly 1 week havent been blogging... Hmm later going to sis's birthday... its her 21st birthday! Wah thats pretty fast? She reached her 21 years old already.. and I am already 18! I think back I haven really got her any present for the few years.. and she actually did buy for me at times... well.. she hinted Adidas jacket... it cost $99! Well... I haven buy yet, I saw the jacket twice... and its like dont know if it will be just nice for her.. to me it looks pretty small... and I asked JS to see.. and for JS size is a bit big.. so maybe for sis should be alright? Hopefully...!!! I hope she will be happy to see that too =) Its the first, and biggest present from me man!!!
Thinking back... from young both our relationship wasnt really close... as in I always fight with her... my temper wasnt really good and loves to snatch and fight with her... well she always give in to me... and there was one time that my grandma even told her not to run let me beat her... gosh! =X HAaha.. I cant remember... but she will always bring this up... =x
Oh well... as I grow older... I realised the love from her.. (so mushy) or rather... I feel that she is really good to me.. I can feel the sister love from her.. she really cares me alot... and birthday really will buy me things.. and also she will also give in to me alot (tts the most important!) well.. I am glad that I had such a sister =) heesh... I guess because of that I become better with her.. =)
This year Christmas wonder how will it be like.. I dont feel great at all... totally no christmas card from people anymore... and my heart doesnt have feel good at all.. because of so many things that had happened or happening... my heart aches damn lots... maybe like what Mr Leong said... I really need someone to be by side... so that he will be the one to lift all my burdens away... but I cant find one... or rather in some way nobody wants me... maybe my appearance? Well.. I am doing what I can already actually... I am changing.. I am keeping my hair long actually.. BUT I still cant forget what keng wi told me before.. "maybe there are people who likes you just that you seems too zai already.. and guys usually have pride so dint want their girlfriend to be sooo zai... somemore you president lers.." and what nicholas told me when I know him better at OBS "when I first saw you, you looks very zai type..." anyway maybe cause its not time yet.. well.. shant think about it.. just let time decide for me then....
I yearn for someone to love, care and concern me...
Anyway.. its time to go and buy her present and get going already... =) tata..
sign off@3:02 PM;
Thursday, December 15, 2005
There are lots of things to blog again.. hopefully I can finish doing it...
Training was cancelled again... reason? Other than those oversea, and peiru being sick... some are working... =( How many of the players are like me, truly and hoping that RP can really win top 4 for IVP? Knowing NP draw with Livewire... my heart sink... its not impossible to win this year... but I think we really need some training? Junior league other than playing against SAJC the other games seems rather 'monotone'... I really want to win.... can we win?
Janelle seems to be hoping some result from our side... or maybe she was just kidding... and me being sensitive... it was like that time during bowling competition, when the women team got 4th position... she said this, "Look, they got 4th... they improved alot... how about netball" I was like -.-/// -speechless- Those people just laughed at me... and well I also hoped we can do it =) Hope her dreams, my dreams, everyone dreams will become reality....
Anyway the groupings are out... we are going to play with TP, SMU and NTU... knowing we are able to fight but really wonder will we... can the team fight on together like before? Last year we trained so hard and we managed to win them... so will this year? We left about 2 to 3 weeks more... TEAM RP... I really wish to win... not just winning TP but also SMU now... I hope to proceed to the 2nd round fighting for 3rd position!!! Can the team move on? -teared- This year the urge to win is more than any.... I dont know why.. but maybe because knowing we are getting stronger... and knowing the team can do it... but we really need training... can we train from now till the end of January? Then we will really break from it.. pleaseeee... pleaseeee.. TEAM RP.... I do not wish to be one crying at IVP... I want to be the one smiling away at IVP... I want everyone to know that RP is moving up... and we get stronger each day... please.... I need training also... I realised I am going down... and also I have not been playing my own position for long.. and somemore I think its been two weeks since I trained.... I need training to be better... I can train on my own stamina and stuffs.. but I need ball training.... I need team training... please... please... I want to get better... I want the team to get better... I want.. This is a team game.. a game that I cant move on without the rest of you... can everyone just understand??? I really want to win desperately!!!! I want to fight like before!!!!
Oh yes, during my OBS solo night... I managed to clear some thoughts.... well... looking through the paper that I wrote to clear my thoughts during that night looks like a click to myself again... let me realised of somethings....
Anyway, I am giving up... nobody will understand what it really means... only certain people will have little information of it... but well.. I have decided to give it up... I guess the problem doesnt lies with me... if anyone beg to differ... let me know... haha... =X I am contradicting myself because nobody knows what I am talking about it and yet I am asking people to oppose what I am saying... -crapx-
Today when I woke up, I realised that this year wasnt really a good year for me... though I managed to have things occupying me and having some happy moments and also being able to live outside of my ES life... but the sad moments can actually cover up every single things... through the solo night... friends are really important to me... but it takes two hands to clap... so guess there is nothing much I can do either... well.. but I am just hoping that in future everything is over....
Anyway... I am clearing my CE points already.... now just attend one more activity during Open House, 28th December... and wait for the points go in then I will complete my CE criteria.. =) I guess this is something worth praising myself... I told myself I need to complete it before year 3... or rather this year.. I guess I am achieving it.. =) Therefore now leaving with PP... well... been quite busy... especially OBS had actually took up half of my holiday... and next week I am going for a camp and then followed by my sister's 21st birthday... anyway.. I am doing up the questions and hope I will get the questions and the stuffs done by holiday... and soon will get over the interview... =) I really hope to clear CE & PP by year 3 so I need not fret over it together with FYP... and so that I can join back SC and be a better leader this time round.. =)
Some wishes:
1. The problemz that I am facing will be cleared...
2. New pair of sports shoe
3. More money!!!
4. Getting top 4 in IVP
5. Clear PP & CE by year 3
There were lots of things that I want to say.. but I guess it had turn blank when I bathed out.. haha... but heres some disgusting photo I took... =X
Guess what is that picture showing? Its the color difference of my hand and stomach after OBS! Next photoooo....
This picture... hmm.. what is it!? Its the scars on my ankle!!! Its all the stupid bites from the different kinds of insect at UBIN!!! Mainly sandflies, mosquitoes, red ants!!! Damn!!! My body still itch by theseeeeee......
Last but not least..... Hmm... this photo is... DO RE MI... DO is HL- Hiap Loo (The one who massaged for me =)) followed by ME!!! then MI=Ber (My very own instructor!)
sign off@8:52 PM;
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
OBS experience!
Its really a brand new experience from the 1 I went that time... this 9 days OBS experience is a new, fresh and exciting one...
During this OBS, other than having all those experiences that I am going to say later, I had ran 3 times 2.4km, one 3km, one 5km and one 9km!!! My 9km run, I clock in 1hr 10min 58secs.. This was my 1st time I ran 9km!!!! I dont think running to ECP is 9km? I not too sure lah... but it was really long... but I guess I did really try my best... though after reaching HL there which is 4.5km I started walking a little, but I ran hard after that and sprinted at the last stretch... =) Dividing it, 1km I ran for about 7mins 7secs... which means for 500m, I ran in about 3min+++ OH gosh.. its slow... =x But for the 1st 4,5km, I ran for about 33mins... so its the 2nd stretch... =x
Next incredible thing is, I had kayak for 3 days consecutively!!!! For the 1st day, we kayak around Ubin and then to Changi Sea Sports then to Pasir Ris Park, behind Aloha Resort!!! When reaching Aloha, I was like thinking gosh, my house is so near, how I wish to go home!!! Other than that, knowing that I will be going Mr Leong's chalet on the 27th, I told myself, I must enjoy myself there and to compensate for my "suffering" in the park!!! It was raining cats and dogs, and we are sleeping in tents... though our tent is the only tent that is not flooded but we help the guys to clear the flooded area...!!! Though dirty but it was a funtime!!! =) Cook maggie and eat... so yummy!!! Enjoy the breeze... so cooling and nice... =) At night, after breifing I must really thank HL, bo seng's instructor... my shoulder muscle was really tight and HL did a massage for me =) It was very shiok!!! Thanks Hiap Loo! =) During the masage, stupid HL said, give up lah... stay so near just go home then dont come back liao... then started talking about other stuffs... then after that went to sleep already...
2nd day of kayaking was crap!!! Because we actually kayak for 10hours without knowing it!!! We kayak from Pasir Park to causeway and from causeway back to sembawang!! From around 8am we started kayaking we reach Sembawang at about 6pm!!! It was so dark that we pitch our tent in the dark and having all the stupid sandflies!!! I was scratching all over!!! Anyway during the kayaking.. I am glad that I had actually chiong at the front to reach causeway!!! =) Also, I must say is that other than the Civil Defence people being able to reach Causeway, we Republicans managed to did it too =) 1 reason for us being able to reach was because of as we were kayaking.. there was 1 big ship which wanted to pass... and so all of just chiong by all means because to save our own life!!! !=) Due to that we actually paddled about 1/4 of the distance in 30mins!!! =) But was quite saddening because need to be tow because was really tired out after reaching causeway... thanks sarah and YK! =)
At sebmwang park was shit!!! Because there wasnt any toilet, water, and lots of sandflies... damn shitty... pitching in the dark and all we can do is just powder bath... and its really powder bath!!! TMD!!! Also my wrist is so weak that I can hardly carry anything... and so went to find ber (my instructor) then after that asked HL to massage again.. it was a wonderful one again.. this time HL really loosen my shoulder muscle by alot... the pain was much relieved... =) Thanks HL again... Had a rather long chat also... then listening to his working stuffs... and manage to learn things from him too =)
Last day!!!! We set off and kayak from Sembawang back to OBS campsite!!!! It was a relieved!!! We managed to survive through this 3days of kayaking!!! And back on land was shiok!!! =) And we thought everything was over, and just need to pack and wash everything.. but we were wrong!!!! We had out very last challenge which is 9km run!!!! Gosh!!!! But when knowing we need to run that 9km, I just told myself I want to complete it... not byu walking but running... though I did walk a little but I guess I am glad that I had complete it.. because after the long and tiring long distance kayaking.. and having lots of slope and with the terrain... I still able to complete it within my goal which is 1hr 20mins.. because reaching 4.5km at about 33mins.. thinking I shuld complete everything by 1hr 20mins is possible.. but well I came in at 1hr 10mins 58secs =)
In summary, I have ran 24.2km in total and kayak 62km for the 9 days!!! I dont believe that I hada actually done all these! Omgs! I am rather happy that I had did it, so I guess actually sometimes things are not impossible, is just you need the strength and mindset correct and you can do it! Anyway I think its really to train up my stamina for IVP man! Also my hand strength due to kayaking!!! =)
Other than the 3 days of kayaking, we had trekking on the 4th day... we trek out of OBS to the resort... and we trek back to the 2nd campsite.... and then staying in the forest!!!! irritating!!! There was no lights, no toilet... crapppp!!!! And I had no choice, but to pee on the beach!!!! Damn!!! At the same time, this time our tent was a little flooded... because there is rain too!!! Damn!!! But well just have to bare with it... The trekking was really tiring... but well its over =)
After our trekking, on the 5th day was the most shit day... because we had our solo day!!!! Straight after breakfast, we need to go into the forest and had our solo time...!!! Everytime was alone... sleeping, eating, everything is alone... you need to build the shelter yourself... really had hard time doing that and also it was scary at night.. and someemore there are lots of ants and insects!!! So keep putting lots of powder!!! and lucky I brought my windbreaker over.. and phew... its not that hot putting on my windbreaker =) But that time is good.. because it really allows you to think and rest.... and well though scary and dirty but was a good time there... =) And when we were back together it was sooo good.... but when we were back to campsite we need to pack everything for the next day, which is our 3days sea expedition!!!
Oh yea... for the 2nd day... it was a good one because.. I managed to reach the top with yikai... =) he asked if I want to climb the "logs thingy" and I agreed... well we went up.. and he really strong... and he keep helping me up... and well it was wonderful... because we were the 2nd and the only female+ male pair to reach it =) at that point of time I really feel like giving up.. but cause he keeps saying want to try again? I said ok.. and we went up... and reached the top!!! =)
Last day, after doing the "leap of faith" we had our lunch.. and I was hoping to see dabians they all... and well I am so glad~ I really saw Da bianx, Jane, Idiot and SW!!! I am so happy to be seeing them!!! But its my last day.. so well bid goodbye and I left... but looking at them, they seem rather sad... I supposed because they were all alone by themselves.... and think only Chan and Eileen was together.. even tong was also alone...
Anyway, I am really damn dark now... and had swollen lips... oh yes.. thanks Yk for the water.. as he knows me had headache and knowing my sowllen lips.. he gave me water =) Thanks alot.. and also at the same time... we went to eat MAC at the last day... and wah... its wonderful!!!! =) Also, YK really help me alot and we had lots of fun during this camp... he gave me that water, help me in lots of things... =) thanks kai kai! =)
sign off@5:25 PM;
Monday, December 5, 2005
Off for camp!
=) I am going off for camp in another 7 hours time!!! I am looking as if its a break actually because I am really tired from everything during November... so guess this is the best time =) Well, not very sure what is it going to be like but I think I will love the trip.. and I guess being happy and energetic about the camp will definately be a great help there =) I'm gonna learn more things from there!!! Anyway I really hope I bring enough items!!! I am so scared now, this is the first time I bring exact number of shirts, shorts and everything meaning I bring according to the list... hopefully is correct!!!
Anyway, I am happy today!!! I guess its really fate that bring us together... I miss twice because fate was calling me but I ignored it and I regretted... today.. I am glad that I made that choice because I managed to see you... I know I cant get to see you for 9 DAYS and for the past few days I had not been seeing you.. and so I am so glad now because I SAW YOU!!! =)
Was bullying me at first... but after that treating me rather nice =) hit my head though.. and also hit my arm when my arm was hurting... then after that had fun la... =) Hahaha... well had a good time before I leave for 9 days =)
Anyway.. this is the first time I am leaving house for so long!!! Usually I left for camp is just 5 days at most... or go oversea trip for 5days also.. but this time is 9 days!!! Well... hope everything is fine... and hope my stuffs are correct!!! Grrrr!!!! PRAY!!!
Ok! Its time to sleep if not think I am going to be damn tired... and I cant get good sleep since then... hahaha!!! Nightx alll.. and miss me =)
sign off@12:39 AM;