{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Sunday, April 30, 2006

I am happy but at the same time, I am upset

I am happy that I am able to really stay focus for this 2 weeks, compared with my last year, this was really very good... but somehow this year the facis are stricter... I cannot get my A at all.. though I have all Bs (exclude Econs) but its really disheartening.. because this time the amount of effort I put in compared with last year was much much more... no longer I will want to sleep or even sleep in class... the knowledge that I gained was much much more this time also.. because I spent more effort in learning... I really want to get straight As to pull up my GPA to 3.25 or even 3.5 ... but somehow... sighs..

I keep telling myself.. its alright.. there will be a time when you get your A.. but.. somehow I am really scared and worried.. because I dont know what more can I do to get that A... sighs... I have somehow push myself alot this time.. sighs.. maybe now is more of speaking out more... =((

Next.. Econs.. I am really worried... straight Cs... understanding 10/100!!!! Oh mans... how to pass my UT then.??? I wonder... really wonder... but anyway though now I have book for Econs.. but having lots of things to do I dont know when can I read and understand.. but this is a good time, because just having 2 weeks only.. so the amount of things is not so much... I must really control my entertainment... no more Da Chang Jin for the moment!!!!

Accounting.. I guess.. the only thing to make sure I can get that A is to read up before I go class... then during 1st meeting I can speak up more.. since now having 2 books... I guess this is the only thing I can do!!! =)))

I am not having the thinking of quitting yet.. this is the 1st time that I really felt this way.. I better stay this way!!! Be strong.. and you get your result!

Labels: RP

sign off@2:07 PM;

Friday, April 28, 2006

MAY!!!! I HATE MAY!!!!!

Alrights, when panda reads this, she should be wondering what MAY am I referring to... oh well.. its the month of May that I am referring too.. and I really hate it for nuts!!!! Reason as below, but I want to say something to my dar, talented, smiley Panda:

Think I have already told you alot just now, but seriously, this is something that I really want to let you know and remind you again, "put everything inside a box and lock it up at the back of the mind". Nobody is forcing you to forget it, and its never possible to do it, and so lock it up and hide it! I am not going to say its ok, because I know its never ok. But, take it easy! Its hard, but take your time, but not too long because I want to see the smiley Panda, the talented one, the IRRITATING ONE!!!!!!! OK? We love you!!! =)))

Alrights... time for my naggings here... why do I hate MAY!? Because:

9th to 11th - SLA Fiesta, needs to do planning on promoting SC and making it works
12th to 14th - Participating in ALC camp
19th - Glitz Night - Having to come up with a performance and doing some work during that night
26th to 28th - Sports Camp - having to plan and execute it

So basically, I am packed for the month of MAY!!! Shit!!! I dont want it to come so soon... but after 3 more days, its May already!!! And after enjoying myself with them on Monday, I wonder when will I be able to see them again? Maybe during the netball camp then!!! And that is only for dar, kelly & zuer!!! Oh my goodddy!! =((( BoooOOO!!! Planning and plannning and more planning!!! And.. executing it!!! ARRHhH!!!

Dont mention about plannings!!! I still have my PP and my FYP!!!! Damns!!! PP having to do half and not continuing it.. and havent take photo with him... and then my FYP being stuck there halfway after doing the project plan!!! Still having Use case diagrams and specifications!! And I have to finish up the Use-Case Diagrams so NANA can continue!!! I guess I want to really complete it by today so that I wont delay anymore!!! Ahhh!!! Sleepless night again!!! =((( Weekends probably for me to finish my PP!!! Sadded!!! I MUST REALLY COMPLETE MY PP BY WEEKENDS AH!!!!! SHIT YOU CLOUD!!!!!

Last but not least, is my studies!!! I want to do well this last 2 semesters so that I can enjoy myself in future and getting into local uni.. but!!! I have problems in Econs!! Really problems!!! Agghhh!! And not to mention now I am looking for Accounting and Econs book, so that I can learn more and understand further... And next friday is my UT already... letting of a BIGGGGGGGG sighhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Really letting offf a biggggg sighhhh!!! Having so much to do in May, all I can say is after that I guess I can really relax... BUT thinking that far is no use because its stillll really FAR!!! Having a month full of things to do!!! And not to forget, after May is June and June is the month of National League!!! Wah kaus... I am like so busy lahs!!! I really ahve to think twice about the CCA I join liao...

Yawns!! Better start doing my use case diagrams and send to NANA.. and then at least I done my part then I can relax for awhile and then having that meeting tomorrow.. and maybe having some work to be done.. then having PP to do and if I can really complete.. at least really relax awhile before I really start working again!!! Alrights.. see ya..

Labels: RP

sign off@12:42 AM;

Saturday, April 22, 2006

1st week of school

B,B,C... well this grade isnt that bad though... but somehow it is not very satisfying also... but well... its the very first week of school only... and I have another 15 weeks to do it.. Accounting was hoping for an A because of my participation in 3rd meeting, but well because of my 1st meeting.. alright.. I guess I should be like my year 1 self.. whereby I really chiong in speaking up... not caring about the others will think of me but just do it...

Today.. I did something proud again.. being in a very desperate situation... you can really been forced to do things that you never and things that you never like.. its been rather a long time since I do powerpoint... and also this is actually considering my 1st time doing so many slides and somehow I completed 3/4 of the presentation!!! I am proud of myself lah..

Overall.. this week I did things that I can be proud of lah, like questioning so many times and first time in RP.. then doing so many slides for presentation.. well though grades is not up to your standard... its time to chiong all 3 meetings.. high evaluation.. and good rj...

I must not give up.. I must not give up.. I must achieve one last miracle and also the once and only time... all As... I must maintain all this good attidue.. and must make sure that I perservere... and do it!!!

Alright.. not mention aboutu studies... seriously I'm quite tight with schedule and things lah.. somehow hor.. now during this weekend I must try to finish my PP so that I can start on my FYP and not pulling nana's grade down.. FYP now I must finsh my part first whcih is the use-case diagrams.. then have to do specs also..

Well, well, well... DISCIPLINE is the word now... I got to be very DISCIPLINE and very FOCUS... I must finish according to plan!!! Jiayou bahs!!!

1 thing down.. MOS over... somehow I felt happy that today was still quite not bad... the discussion is quite ok... well.. I guess I know what is wrong.. planning.. I didnt plan properly.. didng plan like what I want to say and stuffs.. with planning and knowing your stuffs.. actually you can do well.. come on!!! Yunru.. you can do this!!! =)))

But the tough thing is here... sports camp.. started planing about it.. but somehow is about making it clear and nice... so well.. within short period of time.. sighs... boo... well.. but still have to do it.. because its your task...

Joining what IG... all have to think about it when time arrived.. at this point of time.. I shant think about it.. and shall just stay at it is.. and when year 1s come in then we shall decide then...

Labels: RP

sign off@12:36 AM;

Friday, April 21, 2006

Damn it.. how long more can I take thiss?

Oh shit.. this is just my very first week of school.. and somehow I am feeling like crying... 2 hours of going to school trip is already killing me.. adding on to it.. I have my PP that is not done yet.. though there is progress but not enough because somehow not much time, or maybe I didnt manage my time well enough... now all i can say is.. im really hoping to complete my PP by 1st of may.. so that i can really focus in my FYP and other things.. saturday and sunday is really the day for me to finish it up!!!!!!

FYP... just met with the supervisor yesterday... and realised there is really alot of things to do for FYP.. time is the problem... there is really a time constraint... and its like.. though me and NANA decided on every Wednesday doing it.. but everyday on our part, we must do something so as it can complete n time... and its like not easy... and now... before the 2nd meeting with sup.. I must complete my use case diagrams... and maybe ERD also... wah laU!!!! and also specifications.... oh no...

SC - this is damn it la.. first week... having some event is still ok.. but.. having to start doing something.. and that day is really shit.. the day that I really felt so damn sick about it... the day that I really felt liek crying.. the day that i thought i shldnt be there at all.. now having proposals to do... this is bad... addtional work for me now.. haha.. tomorrow is the MOS thingy.. then must think of agenda... and i;m so unclear of every single thing... oh well.. now.. after talking to ben.. i felt really much better...

And the most important STUDIES - what can I say? I am really trying my best now!!!! I am really trying!!!! Talking quite a bit... and questions quite a number of questions... and so... will I be able to really push up my grades to 3.5? Will I be able to do that!!??? Will I be able to tahan everything for 16 weeks.. and becoming so dilligent!!?? WILL I?

Livewire - somehow now I think is either I also step-down or maybe I need to seek for an assistant.. I have to talk to mr teo already.. because somehow I really cannot cope with everything.. must I must say.. this is an extra thing for me.. whereby everything has to come first before this.. i mean somehow the above mentioned issue have to come first before livewire... this is as important but above are those that will make an impact on my cert...

I need a break but now isnt the time.. and its like this is the 1st week only... so I must hang on!!! really!!! But I felt like crying.. and I know I cant.. and I wont!!!!

I cant cry... I must not give up... but.... how long will I be able to take this? Maybe I really cant go out with buddies for sometimes.. and maybe even ronald they all.. oh dear... grr!!!! HOW LONG MORE WILL I BE ABLE TO TAKE IT!!!! WILL I BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND AND SLOWLY FINISH THINGS UP LIKE PP, PROPOSALS? WILL I!!!???

Will Yun Ru be strong enough to withstand all these wars? Will she able to overcome everything and become stronger?

Labels: RP

sign off@12:22 AM;

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

How should I come to school..

Wah lau.. really getting really sick about everything already.. damns... yesterday was the 1st day of school, and then I met Nana at 7am at library... and well. unable to board bus 168, so we took train instead... alright... reached woodlands at aout 8.20 like that... then we having stomachache... then so bo bians... we went to toilet first... so when we walked to school.. I was late lah... reached school about 8.45, 8.50... this was my earliest.. yet late.. damns!

Forget about that... have Sports Coaching... then blah blah blah... later on about to go home it rains heavily! Damn it!!! Well, nana have an umbrella.. and so share with her and we walked... damn it... we were drenched thou theres a umbrella or something... wah kaus eh.. so bo bians.. need to go home 1st before I meet mr teo.. and well.. was feeling really bad already.. boo hoo...

Ok.. I really want to thanks mr teo... because of my PP.. more or less.. I think its completed.. just that haven write the report only... =X... but well.. he accepted and seriously.. though at times were joking around.. but most of the time he really serious lah... so yeah lors.. quite =))) and spending 2 days on it.. really 100 of thanks also not enougghh lah.. he is being really nice enough lahss... hope i can do the report good enought.. and not weird.. hor? mr teo.

Anyway.. really sians.. because.. I left house at 6.40am ... then hell lots lah.. I reached school like 8.. why so early!? Because I took cab!!! DAMn iT!!I took bus to bedok.. then it was pretty late already.. becasue its 7.20.. and then... bus will only come at 7.33am.. so it means I will be really late.. and so.. decided to take cab.. haish.. really dont know how.. =(((

How do I go school!!!??? =(((((

Labels: RP

sign off@8:14 AM;

Saturday, April 15, 2006

I am sick once again!

Oh damn it!! I am so right that I am falling sick... and true enough when I reach home it got worse... boohoo.. =(( Now my nose is running and my throat is hurting... and I couldnt sleep.. only 4++am then I managed to sleep I guess.. =(((

Anyway, this time I must really thank Mr Teo! Finally I get most of the questions done and at least for the time being, I can do most of the section... well... thanks idiot, sai and jane too.. as when they go there... they really helped me lah... =))) Well, more or less Monday I have to make a trip down to school again as I have to finished up the questions or something... and taking of pictures...

Shit lah... I think I am getting really slack liao lers... I really dont have the kind of energy to really train.. damn it!!! I am just going through the motion.. Wah lau.. I think I must really start doing something mans... and later when you dont get to play then really thats it I tell you!!! Boo hoO!!

School going to start in another 2 days time... am I ready to fight again? I should be getting Sports Coaching module.. and so.. will I be ready to learn and get an A and also seriously learn what I am supposed to learn? Well, if I dont fight now... I wont have the time to fight already.. this is my last year already!!! 1 more year you get your diploma and no more freedom like what you have in RP anymore!.. Its time to do something about it...

I think I must really discipline myself to chiong finish my PP and the write-up by Monday... if not when I start to have SC meeting, will have something on hand.. and when we start meeting Ben Sim for FYP.. then my time will also be on that... so I guess its really time to be discipline and make sure I really finish it up mans!!!

So sick so sick.. damns... but its time to do something now.. boo.. gone..

Labels: RP

sign off@12:24 PM;

Friday, April 14, 2006

Oh damn it.. think I'm really pushing back lots of my entries... why.. dont care... i shall blog what I want now.. haha...

1st of all.. I WANT TO KILL MR LANCE TEO!!! (HOPE HE READS THIS!!!) I saw an email from him... and its regarding my PP.. the moment I read his mail.. I really felt like killing him on the spot.. but the worse not this.. when I msn him.. he gave me 2 mins!!!! wah lau!!!! Really must kill him sia tomorrow!!!

2nd... I went canoe with *u n PL... I cannot say out as I promised so.. and well.. it was rather weird at the start.. then later when can go in water was like omg lah!!! I capsized the moment I tried to get into the boat.. boo hoo!!! So paiseh lah... but then I managed to balance it well after that... then anyway... still struggling lah... but its really fun lah... anyway now shoulder aching... anyway I'm wondering to go down on Saturday.. its a morning.. I feel like going lah.. but it means 730 must leave home... and seriously I planned not to go out on Saturday and Sunday so that I can try to finish up my PP by Sunday and submit the report by next week.. but seriously I dont know if it can be done if I decide to go canoe on Saturday... Haish.. I dont know want to give you the impression that I am those people you encounted.. but seriously I do want to learn lah.. but then ah... the time.. ahhhh.. shit... boo!!! Well.. I guess see tomorrow noon I can get the interview done.. and then if the training is tiring... and decide whether Saturday to go down or not... its fun.. really!!! Anyway got some bruise lah.. sians..

3rd... Wah lau eh.. now I really got alot of things on hand!!! I need to quickly do the write-up for the "Sports for good" and then follow by my PP then I got my FYP... not to mention I still have my SC events... on the 21st must support the school in the MOE thingy.. then also must start to plan about the Sports Camp.. so that means must quickly start a meeting and start doing the proposal... CRAPZZZ!!! Hopefully I can finish up the write up and my PP report... booo!!!! school haven start I already so sians!!! =((( Like so many things to do liao.. wah lau eh!!! Not forgetting the stupid 1 CE point haven even complete la!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB la!!! Wah kau!!!! Die or what... must complete the write-up and the PP!!!!

4th... OSG has made the rule of participating in maximum 2 IG... and so is SC counted as 1 IG? If its not then I can have another IG.. but if it is counted... then I totally have no choice, unless I choose to drop either netball or SC... tough decision... Sigh... sigh.. sigh... netball, canoe, sc and badminton.. i really hope to go back badminton.. and stayin in netball and sc.. and learning canoe.. boo hoo.. I guess at the end of it.. I will only have netball competively and then the rest recreational... or maybe rp netball training is really nothing that I play badminton competively... shrugs... I will see how then.. haha... but i just hope something good will happen.. if that happen.. it would be good.. hahah... pray pray pray..!!!

1 more year in RP... 1 more year to do anything I like, I interested, I want to try....

Badminton, Netball, Canoeing, Wushu and Sports Club... Sooooo many CCAs that interest me... but I only have 7 days, 24 hours...

Badminton - sort of my 1st CCA (b4 table tennis)... somehow I love this sport... and sometimes I do wish to play competively again for this sport once again... and also cause I liek this sport, and knowing my skills is just basic.. I would liek to learn and improve..

Netball - the longest CCA I ever joined... though I have never really been the best player of this sport, but I love this sport too... Been in the team for most of the time although not the first 7.. and though sadness for alot of time, but somehow its really a sport that I love playing already... and.. I really like to play for the school also... and somehow.... because of U...

Sports Club - this CCA allows me to learn alot of things... teaches me quite lot of thing... and somehow knowing I didnt do a great job in AY05/06... I would like to stay on and try again... and the skill learnt in SC really will help alot.. and cause of SC, I think I learn to be more self-confident and stuffs...

Canoeing - Keng wi talks to me about it again... and this time he offers that I can try out and if I dont like I can quit it... and well. this is a new CCA.. a CCA that seems fun and challenging...

Which to choose? Decision again! Boo!!! And this time round... you cannot chooose all 4.. and only hope that situation will happen... =(((

Well.. let time decide for me.. now I cannot think alot because I dont know how everything is going to work... as in.. not sure if netball system will be the same? when is badminton training? when is canoeing? how is SC going to work.. so many unknowns.. and so.. i shall relax for this 3 days... or rather finish up PP and the write-up and then decide once all the unknowns become clear to me.. and then I shall decide then...

Goodnite...!

sign off@12:34 AM;

Sunday, April 2, 2006

WAKE UP!!!!

Since, I am isnt sleepy yet, I shall blog what I wanted to that day...

I really need to wake up... miracle happens for me again this time round... my result maintain at 3.0... I was freaking surprised that I can get that for Networking and IT security... Networking I missed 4 lessons, and my UT was just average... and I was surpised that it was average lah.. haha =x and IT security, though average daily grades, but UT isnt really good also.. just that last UT was a B+.. and both I manged to scape through with a B.. I guess the moderation was really great.. and well.. again.. no hardwork if not.. haha.. if not again... As for Web app & System.. more or less I guess it will be a B already... wel wel wel.. its over.. but agian, I NEED TO WAKE UP....

Now, since its still remaining at a 3.0... I guess its time to add luck together with hardwork already... spending extra effort in class in responding and cooperating with my teammates and achieving as many A as possible... no more IT... just business and might even be Sports Coaching.. so I guess its really time to buck now? Please wake up...!!! I have been telling myself that, and as semester goes, the slacker I got.. damns! Now I am leaving with 1 more year only, this is the only year that I can pull up my grades now.. and so I really need to do soemthing about it mans... still can pull up... so well.. I really need to constant remind myself mans... NANA.. please help me.. hahah =x

My CE points and PP have yet to complete, and FYP is already on my hand... my wish of completing both CE and PP before year 3 seems far now... CE points, by right I woould have finished it long time ago, but people keep ignoring my email and not giving me the points and so I have to attend a talk to get the point.. oh well NANA is going to accompany me for that since she have yet to complete too... As for PP, I just have to wait for Mr Teo, well dateline is on the 17th... which means when I am back from Msia I have to rush the report and the poster within 7 days... oh well.. hopefully it can be done...

NANA is going to be my couple for next academic year... we are going to stick to each other so much so that we can finish up our FYP... I am truly very worried about it... I really dont know if partnering her is good or bad... I am so scared that I am going to 'hai' her result... she is someone who gets good grade, somebody who is hardworking.. and I am not her type... she is being nice to partner me.. and so I know I have to work.. but the knowledge I have I am so worried.. oh dear... I am so scared... NANA... please remember to scold me if I were to slack or whatever... its ok... I wont blame you...

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I guessed only Sof will know about this.. but that day he might not truly understand what was I talking about but I am glad about the words he said to me... well.. I reaally need to blgo everything that I am feeling out.. because its really irritating...

This was the first time that I really felt this way... maybe retribution or what? I am not sure... but somehow... I could feel the pain... and its the first time and I never expect it...

And so... are all these fake or real? I wonder... Sometimes it just look sooo real, but after a period of time, I started getting worried... worrying whether is it real or fake... I do not wish to do anything... because I dare not... I am afraid to be losing anything... I fear and I fear.. and I really fear!!! I really fear its just a mask of everything... And sometimes its really just so fake!!!! So fake that I cant accept it but I have to... how painful is that? Damnss...

Just hope everything is for real.....

sign off@2:33 AM;

Saturday, April 1, 2006

Turning failure into positve motivation!

Why is there strike over those negative words? Well, read below...

Just read through a chat log, and I found something, "negative thoughts ruin your mind and confidence..." so... quit it ... "archive the bad performance and be clear of your next move and do it" ... "save the bad performance in a lil box and lock it"

Alright! Eevrything is over! Back on my feet! Rest and recover fully from sickness and get ready for the game! Janelle is waiting for the good result, Tony is waiting for every1 to perform! =))) I am able to do it, and I will do it! I must really learn not to have neagtive thoughts anymore!!! I have to learn!!!

Turning today failure into positive motivation, making sure that I will play harder! Be confident in myself and do it!! Danga games is the game where I need to be strong and pia more to help the team... even Innova game... I must do my best... now is the time... everything is over... lock it up and get over it... No point telling myself that I could have done better... just get over it... today is just the down... innova is the process to my peak.. and danga will be my peak again!!!

sign off@3:06 AM;

Well, for those still waiting for the melbourne blog, I am sorry, I have yet to finish it, because its pretty long entry... initally I dont intend to blog anything before I finish my melbourne entry, but this is really too sad for me which I need to mention it now!

Early morning I woke up, sister told me she couldnt shut down my computer yesterday night. No feeling. I on my laptop, then realised the cursor on the top left corner of the screen. Tried a few times, and nothing can be done, I declared DEAD! Wasnt really upset because I saved most of the stuffs after I bought my new external HDD, and just the day before yesterday I update those stuffs on my HDD also. But, hated myself for 1 thing is, yesterday I was doing my wallpaper, trying to save all the photos and edit to small size and make my wallpaper, I got the instint that I should save that work in my HDD, but I WAS LAZY! And so, today is dead! This was like the 5th or 6th times that my laptop has warned me since the 1st time I had my HDD crashed on me... Usually I keep delaying it, and that was when my 3 to 4 years memories was gone in my 1st HDD. I was very sad that time, and the thought of it set me some sadness too.. that was why I quickly save my stuffs when I bought my external HDD, but yesterday was really a mistake!

Nevermind, remembering myself buying a new HDD last year, and so I searched for the warranty card and receipt! Darns! I didnt send the HDD warranty last year! How I wished I got seagate so that is a 1 to 1 exhcange! But too bad!!!! So now, waiting for HP to see the cost and stuffs... boo hoo!!!

Next, due to that, I was wondering so should I get a new laptop (since the school is selling now) or should I repair it again... I was thinking I have yet to finish 2years and its like I already spend like $3300 on it.. and if I were to sell it away it will cost like only 500 bucks.. so I was really wondeirng should I just buy a new laptop.... I really couldnt make up my mind, asking around, everybody has different point of view... and I asked Mr Teo... and what he said was quite true, if its only HDD problem, then repair it since the rest of it is ok... Actually, to think of it, other than my HDD, I think overall is really ok, but then it keep having HDD problem... but well, just email HP about it, therefore waiting for its reply and I shall see what can be done next... hopefully before Danga Games I can get it done, so that as it was repairing, I am away, no need to think about it...

Anyway, after that its training!... ~~Fuk... it was a very lousy one!!! I am disgusted with myself today!!!!~~ Running the pillar by pillar... run run run, I lost to Mr Teo already... (I was running side by side, but turned out I was far behind him).... after that realised something disgusting happen.. and so went to the toilet... fuking is after I came out.. started running... I was really tired already.. legs soft... then halfway.. sharp pain on my right knee!!!! The very first time that I could feel sharp pain on my knee!!! After that looks alright le... then later on.. before doing drills, I realised my legs are soft!!! Nvm...the next thing that happen is.... I banged onto dar's worm! SHUCKS!!!! SO paiseh can!? FUK IT!!!!! It was like what the hell can!!! Then followed by that, I COULDNT CATCH BALL, COULDNT PASS BALL, COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MANS!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LIAO!!!!

After that, this is the worst... I realised my breathing still very hard... and its like... I am starting to realise my chest is damn tight... and I could hardly breathe... when I breathe... I could feel the pain on my chest and the back... and I realised I totally cannot leap infront to catch the ball, totally no strength no energy to do it... ~~I basically SUCKS TO THE FUCKING CORE!!!~~ But I just hang on, not pushing on... and I really hate it... ~~FUCK!~~ Next is the game.. which actually before even has game, I feel like telling Mr Teo, I cannot play... I totally has no energy to go on... but... I carried on.. and I DIDNT TOUCH THE BALL AT ALL!!! How wonderful is that isnt it? I totally sucks... how the fucking hell am I going to play danga on the 7th !!??? How the fucking hell am I to show to Tony I havent slack!? How the fucking hell am I to tell Janelle that we tried our best when ME SUCKS ? How the helll!!!! I am so scared that I am going to perform so badly or even unable to play... damnsssss!!!!! HOW HOW HOW!!!???

I just remembered last beep test, when Janelle told me as I jsut recovered my sickness and it will affect and say I might think this is an excuse but it is true... then well.. if I were to tell myself the same thing now, I guess I cannot forgive myself then.. though I just recovered from my cough, flu and sore throat, but seriously I doubt is affected... and I really do not wish to pull the team down.. and especially when I want to show Tony, I really want to play for the team and stay for the team and fight against NP next year IVP... but.. how am I going to do!!!??? When this training show everything about me already? DAMNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today basically, is just a damn sucky day for me!!! I really hate it... I really hate it... how I wish it was just a night mare? And everything isnt true.. and everything will be fine ? BUt this is all crap!!! Damns!!!!

I really want to play well for Danga Games... I really want to help the team for it.. I dont want to be the weakest link in the team!!!!!!!!!!! I need to train.. but thinking of it again, even if I were to force myself by training with the sec2s tomorrow, and sec2 on monday, and tuesday having a game.. it might not help.. and it might even cause harm.. so what am I supposed to do? Haish!!!!!!!!! Sick... guess... rest and recover? SUCKS! I AM WEAK MENTALLY NOW!!!!!!!!!

sign off@1:23 AM;