I dont know why yesterday wasnt a good a day actually... I go school late again... was feeling very tired... really not enough of sleep at all...


Reached school just nice because took cab with Wany from Redhill... Was feeling so tired, but have to force myself awake so as to prevent Daniel from penalizing me... Wonder if I will get good grades here...


Finally end of the class, went to the container finish up the RJ and went to sleep... At about 4.40pm James called and said everyone is waiting for me... oh well.. I jsut rushed down... guess I was really so tired that my head was very heavy! I had a damn bad headache... well guess due to no people is around... she was angry... and mayeb because of my attitude when I went down... but I was really feeling damn tired and headachy...


She gave a irritated reply when I called her... well I know it wasnt a good time to say anything therefore I just shut up... and then in a while guess she felt alright le.. then she asked if we were having games later on is it because James said its Friday and I could go home rest but I replied I still got game till 10pm later... Well... still feeling headachy at that moment... until yvonne helped me buy panadol... =)


Panadol doesnt really help me alot.. I guess sooner or later I will get immune from panadol... though I felt better... but during games I felt headachy again.... well... we reached Kallang really late.. because of the talk....


Haish... here is the thing that I really got upset already... I keep getting subsitute out because of Evelyn... I really hate the feeling of being sub out... Since secondary school I had always been sub out until I got into RP... I love the feeling of playing... I love it when I was year 1... but slowly more players come in... and my chances also get lower... I really hate it... really hate it... if I dont get this chance to play... I really wonder at times... next year when players start coming in.. will I still get to play? I am so afraid I wont get to play again... keep being sub out after 1 quarter... others just get the chance to play and play and play...


At a point of time... I keep trying to pyscho myself... its ok not to play.. compare myself and Kim, Gui Zhu and Hanah... at least I get the chance to start.... but I just couldnt get over it... my heart was really sinking inside soooo badly!!! Then Livewire vs Avalanhce... I asked Mr Teo if I could play.. but he said no... because its not because he doesnt want us to play.. but because we here because of RP and we are appointment holder... well when he said to me.. I cried... I really just cried out.. because I really couldnt get to play at all!!! I was depressed.. real despressed...


But I know one thing... I cannot show my sadness to the sec1 gers.. therefore I kept my smile when I saw them... and well... but I really take it because after that I was being sub out again.. and well... I cried at the end of it when abby talks to me... I really cannot control that I just cried out.... I hugged Cheryl also... thanks tong for that hug... I felt eal sad for not playing... but well... for now when I am sort of being stable already... guess I just need to take it easy... and train so hard that my standard is far from Evelyn that he just cannot put her in.... and also... I knwo I am selfish.. but I just want to play.. and by doing so.. also means that I am benefitting the team too....


Whatever it is... now I had said everything... and I just need to be strong.... and I need to turn failure into positive motivation... and because I need to use my action to show her... and because I am like her.... I need to lock everything into a box and put behind my mind... and like Keng Wi said, like this also cry.. so yeah... guess I am fine now.. and just got to keep training and training...

Labels: Netball, RP

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

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