Thanks dar for your understanding... well... yesterday wanted to talk to you but there wasnt any chance at all..
The feeling of going out with the close ones are really good.. or just even being able to be with them... after the damn irritating day with the damn f person... and having to sit down for 30mins to do a test that i am not confident at all.. and doing the tiring fyp.. and having to think about ~... it sucks.... and when on cab... really fall asleep sooo deep.. but in awhile i was sent to ES.. and finally I trained with them.. and having to listen to all the crap from all of them was great.. just make me laugh after a long shit day.. and its nice... and the dinner was great.. but I guess I wasnt really normal... and they sensed it... i was crazee.. talking all kinds of rubbish... and being like a crazy woman.. but those were the times that i can really smile and laugh out loud with people who i am close...
Yest.. was really tired... even dont feel like bathing... but still I bathe.. and just a few minutes after that.. I went to sleep ignoring the fact that my hair is wet.. because i just got tooooooo tired...
Oh well... today woke up and finally i finish the encrption and decrption of credit card and the codes for confirmation.. so glad... and just so nice mr leong sms ask if want to go for dinner.. so i think its a good time to relax myself.. so i agreed... but after doing finish.. i really felt damn tired.. even when i bathe.. i felt really sleepy.. and when i was 4hours awake... guess when you are working.. things are different.. haha
Anyway... well.. though it was lots of suan-ing.. but at least its relaxing.. and not stressing or tiring... and went back home... reward myself with a cup of icecream.. and dad boght durians.. so ate it.. then after that.. trying to do my interface.. but couldnt find it or what.. i guess i might just leave it..
At the later of the night.. was chatting with idiot.. and she was depressed.. and so chatted abit.. and after that I was playing a game.. and well.. the song that i heard.. makes me think of everything again.. and somehow... i told idiot about it.. and.. yes... i cried when i said.. and well she is the first one that can make me talk about tt friend of mine and cry at the same time.. and somehow.. the feeling got worse when she send me a song... i really cry and cry.. and keep thinking about it... at first i really feel like closing it this situation to just myself and panda and parttime... but seems like im opening up to idiot.. because i think she will understand... because she is undergoing it... butbutbut.. haish.. my mood and everything really affected by the whole damn thing.. i though i could be happy becasue i done my work.. but turn out.. everything was affected.. and also is like at first i was sleepy.. but now i couldnt sleep... thinking through the times that we are together.. and the times when we laugh.. and reading through the logs... it really hurts deeply...
I really feel like telling HIM about it.. but i really dont know how to bring it up to HIM... the day when HE ask me I wish I can say it to him.... but I really dont know how to say it.... i only could say the stress thing that is in me.. but i couldnt say the thing that is in my heart... i really dont know how!!! i really dont know... but i know i want to....
Because Of You
by Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you