Alrights, it been pretty long since I last blog and I know there are quite a few people are still reading my blog. But its seem like I am getting lazier to blog or maybe dont really feel like blogging... but well today have the feeling so maybe I should do it..

What is really wrong with me? Subconsiously I know that escaping will never help because everything will just be the same, or procrastinating is bad because everything will stack up and kill me but I am still doing it. I might look as if I can laugh all my heart out, but inside me I feel really bad. I could feel fear every now and then, sorrow inside me... but I am still doing it... I have no motivation, I have no energy to do anything but just trying to escape as much as I can, procrastinate as long as possible.

This isnt me, but what is wrong. I do not wish history to happen again. I always thought that after the change it would be better, but I am so wrong about it. History seems to repeat again, because I start to feel the fear inside me and I felt lost at the same time. I really dont know what should I do to be less self-conscious. I am always scared of making mistakes or getting scoldings or whatever, how can a leader have fear of all these? I thought I had overcome it but it seems as though its back again. I fear of making mistakes, I fear of things not done well, but still being like this... sighs!

Sighs! I still have the same thing on hand! I am really procrastinating! And its not going to help me in any way at all! I spent 2 weekends on watching Da Chang Jin, when I was supposed to do my PP, FYP, Sports Camp, Glitz Night speech... but I did nothing! Oh my goodness! Now when I finally finish my Da CHang Jin, I really hope that I can do my work!!! I cannot procrastinate anymore! Its not healthy at all! Especially when I want to enjoy my holiday, I better finish up my PP especially and this weekend clearing my Sports Camp stuffs!!!

Please wake up!!! You just have another 2 events at most on hand and by then everything will be fine! Just hang in there and do it well. Before you step down, do a great job and so you can step down with no regrets and guilt! Getting scolded or whatever is better than your project not done properly! Please yunru, wake up and do it well! Be thick skinned abit and be daring to ask whatever you want to ask. You are the leader, you have followers, people waiting for your instructions, please do it well!

Sports Club is a very good experience for me, but its isnt for me. Reason is simple, yes though I like being involved and its seems fun organizing events and when event being a success the feeling is great, but never have the chance to play to get involved by competing with the others. And I think I do not want to have those kind of stressful situations so early when I will get that in working life in another 7months? I only spend 3years of my life in Polytechnic so I would want to have a memorable poly life furthermore I think its enough to spend 1 and 1/2 year in Sports Club. Its my last year in RP already, so its time to enjoy what you really want, what you really want to learn, what interest you especially when you dont know if you can get into University. I love the time I spent in Sports Club, I experienced what I need to experience and so its time to let it go and relax and have the neccessary stress of school work and Livewire only. Nothing extra anymore. As the days goes by, I am more determined of letting it go already. =))

It seems that I am a little slacking away for my studies. I missed 2 lessons already. I thought I wont pon so early but turn out its only the 5th week and I already pon twice. This is pretty bad. My goal is achieve GPA of 3.5 but it seems like I tell myself that its ok to achieve 3.25 (Getting B+ for all), but even if this is the case, it seems like I am putting it off already and its bad! With good CCA records but lousy O level and lousy poly results will not help you at all. CCA is only 5%, O level being 20% and Poly being 75%! With a poor O level result, you need that 75% to be good, so can you please get back to yourself? Trying hard for all and not just one module? Marketing you can get A easily and accounting with constant hardwork I am pretty sure I can get B+ and sports coaching, being more proactive I am sure I can get A too but I slack it and got a C... Econs putting a little bit more maybe I can get at least a B? So please.. do it! Focus in your goal and push yourself to get it!

Anyway, a little happy thing.. another buddy trip again. Its another 'hitting breast" day again. All started by the stupid PANDAR by hitting mine and my hand auto come up and hit xiaowong's then her hand auto up and hit SH and it stopped. But somehow everyone protect her own... its dumb lah. Anyway the name of LULU had become very "soon kou"!!! Even that dumbo PY also called me that! I was really shocked when she said lulu la! When that si ni called me that then its the end already because I will officially be known as that because a blur sotong also call me lulu. So hopefully she dont lah. Anyway I didnt mention to them before that actually some of relatives also call me lulu but with a different "yin diao" But overall they still call me lulu! I have such a nice name, yunru, become lulu! OMGS! I totally agree with Pandar about being happy when you are out together, but when you are alone, all the sad moments will appear in your mind again. When I was going out, indeed flashes of sad thing appeared and when laughters start everything is ok, but when everyone is gone, its back again.

2 weeks 2 days more of school and everything will be over. Its holiday again. With 2 weeks of rest and 3 days of fun at the chalet, it will definately be good! Especially most of my duties is already over by then except for my FYP & PP, but I am very sure I will enjoy it! I hope that we can go out together during the holidays, but I guess the chance is low but there is still hope. And I really hope that once school re-open, election starts and so that I can really release everything!

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

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