I dont know why, I can smile and laugh all I can when I am outside, but the moment I'm at home, I am stuck into sadness... maybe these days too much sad things had actually happened to me... but thinking about it, I dont know why it is still sticking to me... I feel really disgusted by the feeling... I dont wish to fall into sadness at all.. and the worst is that I dont know why I am feeling sad...

Reading Panda's blog... I could smile... really smile out and really enjoy the moment we spent together just now... it was wonderful.... despite whatever sadness that I may feel... but the smile on my face now is less than even 10secs?

What had got into me? Why am I feeling so heavy inside now? Feeling like crying but its so hard to cry out? Have I got into depression mode again? Or maybe is my period is coming, moodswing is hitting me now? I dont know... I hope is the latter...

Out of a sudden... I am feeling so lost... I feel that I had actually lack of something in life... what am I lacking? What am I lacking in life?

This holiday is going to be so pretty long..... its just the 1st week of my holiday... and I have 6 weeks of holidays... how am I going to spend it? I cant do PP or FYP now.... there is nothing I can do at all... I am so lost... so damn lost... how can I spend it? Only can spend it with JJ... but what that can benefit me? I dont know... looking for job... but dont know can work what also...

Haish.. what is wrong wth me??? These days when I am alone.. I am really feeling sooo lonely... so sad... why why why? Melbourne? Danga? L? THAT or whatever? Defiantely not L... Danga? Maybe... Melbourne? Maybe... THAT? Maybe.. high possibilty... but I cant do anything... I JUST CANT DO ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!

EVERYTHING I HAD NO CONTROL AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DONT HAVE THE LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I definately dont wish to blame it on luck... but why? why? why? I really dont understand... dont know... trying so hard for everything... but everything just become the way I hated it... !!!!

Anyway... I dont feel it anymore... there is a barrier... definately... the feeling is so fake... its not real at all... its all fake... damn fake! But... how to make it real? I am trying hard again.. BUT!!! Just too bad then....

Everything just isnt the right way man... Oh mans... I should really spend some quality time with myself? or maybe sleep my time... and eat my time... and thats all.. so I cant think of anything...

So painful... mentally... and physically.. espeically when I fell on my butt and the lower back hurts... and when my upper back muscle just dont want to make it fine... and when I brushed my teeth.. the toothbrush dont know why just hit my lower gum.. and now there is 2 holes at my gum.. and its so painful.... and with the hurt/sadness I am feeling inside... oh what the hell...

IT MUST BE MY PERIOD!!!!!!!

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

1st Blog; 2nd Blog;

September 2005. October 2005. November 2005. December 2005. January 2006. February 2006. March 2006. April 2006. May 2006. June 2006. July 2006. August 2006. September 2006. October 2006. November 2006. December 2006. February 2007. March 2007. April 2007. May 2007. June 2007. July 2007. August 2007. September 2007. October 2007. November 2007.