Its going to be damn unpleasant, so please close it if you cant take it...

Oh well, I am not going to cry this time, because as a sports person, I should be able to reflect and then improve from it.. blog it out now, and then let it be...

OK, I am damn sad... fucking sad about my own performance today... I really bloody hate myself sometimes, my heart so much wanted to play... and when I got the chance I threw the bloody shit chance away... and I still expect to have 2nd chance? How many times have HE been giving me the chance? I really wonder... how many times had HE gave me? How many times have I cherish the chances he gave me? I always dwelled on the chances he dont give me, but have I ever think about the chances he gave me? Have I ever thanked him for the chances he gave it to me? Have I ever cherish those chances? Have I ever? HAVE I!!!???

Talk about today before going somewhere... when I got into the court, was telling myself I must play well.. but somehow, I didnt play well... I let my players off so easily, and I could read where the ball is only, but interceptted how many balls? NONE... Fucking NONE!! And its like, go in, straight blown for obstruction... oh mans.. fucking shit... then later I pass a fucking damn lousy asss ball!!! WHO WAS I THROWING TO!!!????? I cant even control my passes??? I thought I managed to control it for the past few matches? What was wrong today? My passes just like that fly through the air... who get it? NOBODY! OH DAMNS! And then, when I want to pass, I kena interceptted? OH FUCKING SHIT!!! So upset with myself today.. really... I know that I wanted to play for JJC match so desperately, but then I cant even prove myself today... how is he going to trust me? How is HE GOING TO TRUST ME!? JJC is the strongest match... I really hope to play... so desperately I hope to be the one on court... but I couldnt even prove myself, or make him and make the team trust me... so how sia!!! Tell me... somebody just tell me? Expecting to play, yet with such lousy pplay...?? FUCKING DREAM ON LA, YUNRU!

And now, the fucking irritating back now.. pissed me even more.. really dont know what can I do mans... Just feel like chopping it mans!!! Want to see doc... but its been a busy week for me.. and then plus having games... grrr.... how long will I be able to tahan??

OH MANSSSS!!!! YUNRUU!!!!!! PLEASEEEEEE!!!!

Shall go a little somewhere... as a coach since I was secondary two until now (5years ++ already), he sure to know that I want to play so much... but have I really cherish the chances? Always get so bloody upset when chances wasnt given to me, but when chances was given, have I cherished it? This league is the damn example... this league having only 10 players... the chances of me playing obviously is higher... and have I really cherished it and proved to him that me, yunru is somebody who wants to play so much and I CAN PLAY? Have I ever done that? I guessed its like maybe 2 or 3 out of 10?

UPSET WITH NOT PLAYING WELL RATHER THAN NOT ABLE TO PLAY.. DAMNS!
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Alright, letting everything out, I guess its time for some cooling words, and some serious reflection.. especially a long bath....

Oh well, everything I said, it was about enough.. as its really rather true that I have never thanked him for the chances, but yet keep being upset for the chances he didnt give me and plus at times when I dont cherish those chances... so what more can I say?

To be able to play for JJ match, it all depends already.. but I cant put in much hope after today play.. and somehow just need to be mental prepared that I am going to sit through... Dont put in too much hope...

Today play... as usual, I keep unable catch up the pace of the people, and also its like I think my speed or I am not close enough, if not I can actually interecepted more balls rather than jus inches away... And most importantly, today passes was the worst out of the 3 matches... I believed that for the last 2 matches, my passes was still alright, as it didnt throw to the air! Today it was really bad... damn bad... My run was bad also... when I play with idiot, I feel it was like better... but when its with perrine, I dont know why leh.. the feeling was really different... or rather maybe just today.. I really dont knwo where I should run... And my catching.. today was shit... really shit lahs... support them, and yet I couldnt support them fully... I dropped the pass, when its like it could be a goal? There was really a few times that because of me, they score a goal.. so disappointed in myself... And last but not least, I think today, my run was shit mans, cause like the way I want to intercept the ball its so erms.. out of words to describe that...

Anyway, today I think it was really the worst of the 3... and I hope this will be the 1st and last match that is going to be like this... Actually I feel that my support had become better, dont know its because of the opponent or what, but I feel it was much better espeically when I was in RP... then also its like... my footwork was rather clean for this time... as for my passes... somehow was alright also... my catches also... (ALL not including today)... my interception still like shit lahs... I guess I must really train up mans... oh well.. all these are just what I think, maybe from others see is no change at all... but I guess what matter most is myself.. knowing myself had improved and it shall be good and keep training up to make yourself happier then... but well.. at the same time, if team really thinks there are things I must improve then I guess I need to know too.. as its important also, as this isnt an individual game.. where I can be happy with my performance, team game.. players depends on my performance too.. so its more of a 2 thing then... But well everything just goes down to wanting be a much better player, then TRAIN HARD!

Although, I can really sit down and finish up this blog, but somehow I think the mood still yet come back.. and hope by tomorrow my mood will be back so that I wont be moody... and at least I can be happy and cheerful.. and thats what people in RP know me... and shouldnt let what happened yesterday be brought to today... I need to separate it.. *hopefully I can.. talk so much*

Its time to pack my bag and get some rest.... especially now... its feeling sickening now...

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

1st Blog; 2nd Blog;

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