Ok... like what I expected I really was on the bench... and I am the only one who sit out for the whole match.... and even she got in... I thought I will be fine... but....

Alright... I am trying to accept this fact... really trying so damn hard.... so damn hard... I wont deny that I wasnt sad, but I AM ACCEPTING IT... and I need to UNDERSTAND... only the BEST play... just too bad then? I am not strong enough... I am not good enough... I have yet to let him trust me.... and I thought I really tried so hard to acccept it and understand it... but...

Oh well, when I was on the bench... cheering them... the anxiety on the court was pretty high... and there were moments that I think its good that I am isnt the one on the court... and I think this was the first time I thought that oh... its better that I dont play... this was the first time I am feeling this way... when I see them play.. I was thinking... oh.. they are doing pretty well over there.. and they are stronger than me... so yea.. better dont play... I had accept that they are all stronger and better players to be on the court...

But things gone different... after certain quarter... I really hope that I was the one... she gets to play C... I was like.. oh... she gets it... and my mind really gone blank... I guessed I just had to admit... I wasnt really happy.. what did I lose to her? At that moment, I think I was pretty selfish... started thinking why did I pull her into it... but well... my another side of mind... set it very clearly, for the team.. for the team... its all for the team sake... he sure have his reason of why he put her in.... and ignoring all those thoughts and started cheering for them... maybe cause she trained that post... and I wasnt train at all... and he just trust her more then... so I really set my mind away... and cheer for themm...

I tried hard to control myself... really tried to control myself to change... not to be like before... accept the fact I am the lousiest and so I dont get the chance... and you didnt prove yourself during Dunamis game... and so.. just too bad... you lost the chance yourself... and so you cant anybody else then.. you just have yet to let others trust you yet... so well... fight on then... if you think you are not supposed to lose to her... then I supposed you must really show it to him then... just fight then...

*I really buay song... really..... what I lost to her.... what have I lost to her???? she doesnt look like she wants to fight for it.... smsing to me that she feels like backing out.. because she felt useless... she brings nthng to the team... she doubt she is needed... and what is me????? CANNOT EVEN PLAY!!!!! I GET NO CHANCE EVEN!!!! I wasnt sad at all when I dont play for the 1st 2 quarter... because I know I am not as strong as those on court... but then... 3rd quarter.... my mood really gone down... really sadded by everything..... EVERYTHING!!! But just carry on...

Controlled myself... because I dont want history to repeat again... oh well.. just need to accept it that I LOST TO HER!!! And so... oh well... and so it means.. to fight even harder... and to gain back the trust from him.... show to him.. I can do it... I defiantely wont lose to her... I am stronger than her... I am willing to fight more than her... not going to say anything... but just fight on and fight on and fight on.... and given any chance just do it then...

Oh welll.. I think I must say I am really starting to learn it... I really didnt fall into the sadness when the 1st 2 quarters.. I was even feeling oh dont play... I guess I am slowly learning.. but I just need time.... really need more time.... and now... just TRAIN!!! I really not sad during the 1st 2 quarter.. grrrr...

I just need to gain the trust.... trust is the word... and to gain that trust that I want... its to train hard.. and cherish any chances given to me... and to really prove then....

Its over... just let it be... and do what you can now... cheer.. yunru =)

::18/08/87::
::Leo::
::YNPS, ESSS, RP, SIM-UOL::
::Outgoing, Friendly, Lame::
::Emotional, Sensitive, Short::

::PE Teacher::
::Netball Coach::
::Camp Instructor::

::Netball, Basketball, Running::
::Swimming, Badminton::
::Manchester United::
::Sleep & Slack::
::Green, Orange, Black::
::ES Netball Team, Livewire::
::Buddies, Disciples::
::Shifu(Mr Teo), Hubby::
::Sister & Family::
::Team RP::
::Sesame Gang::
::Piggies::
::MeiNu, Tings, Da Jie::

=PSP=
=All who I love live happily=
=Move on to future=
=Not living in the past=
=Able to learn to accept the truth=
=To be self-discipline=
=Not to repeat mistakes=
=To get gd grades in Uni=

(",)MaStEr_pY; Cindy =); Chee Kui; Jason; Mimiyan; Panda =); Raquel; sIhUa =); xIaOwOnG =) AdEliNe/a> aLeXia; Charmaine; JoEy; JoHnSoN; qUeEn; piGg; sHiReEn; Yan Qing ; Yong Yeow; aBbY; aIzhEn; fAiZaH; hAnAh; jOeY aNg; lYdIa; mJ; sAbBy; sHiKiN; vAn SoH; xUeLi; mIcH; oScAr; bIrD; QiNwEi; RuRy; WeElInG; ~Sister~;

1st Blog; 2nd Blog;

September 2005. October 2005. November 2005. December 2005. January 2006. February 2006. March 2006. April 2006. May 2006. June 2006. July 2006. August 2006. September 2006. October 2006. November 2006. December 2006. February 2007. March 2007. April 2007. May 2007. June 2007. July 2007. August 2007. September 2007. October 2007. November 2007.